Sitting outside on this lovely evening, watching the clouds form and reform across the sky, listening to the birds chatter to one another, the sounds of domesticity in the suburbs surrounding me, I think how little most people know about one another. I'm sure most of my coworkers have no idea how fascinated I am with nature and being outside. Their notions of me are what I allow them to see and what they form from what they've heard.
We all do this, make judgments without really knowing the person we're judging. It's human nature, or so many say. Is it? Or have we been conditioned to pass judgments on others to make ourselves feel better? How many times do we see someone with a disability and feel thankful that isn't us? How many times do we assume people are snooty when, in reality, they might be painfully shy or suffering from a tragedy and barely functioning?
It's easy to pass judgment; it's harder and more difficult to take the time to know someone. A couple of years ago, I was in New Mexico at a conference with another teacher from my school. I was on the veranda, staring into the distance, watching a hawk circle, fascinated with the beauty of nature. My colleague came up, wanting to know what I was doing. I pointed out the hawk and the sheer beauty of the hawk against the sky and the backdrop of pine trees. As the sun set, I showed him how beautiful the rays were as they shot down toward the ground. He was surpised; he commented that he had never pictured me as someone who would like nature. On one hand, I was offended. How dare he judge me? On the other hand, I realized how easy it is to misjudge people.
I work hard at not labelling people. I try to assume positive intention: they are behaving or coming across the way they are because of something in their lives. For example, one year I had a student with blue hair, wild make up and clothes, and piercings enter my classroom. I could easily have judged her as a troublemaker or a freak, but I chose, instead, to greet her as I greet all students. She later told me that a teacher had judged her, asking her what she was doing in an AP class, and she had a chip on her shoulder when she walked into my room. Because I didn't treat her like a freak, she felt comfortable, and she thanked me for treating her like an individual.
While I, like everyone else, wear a mask in public, some of my personal troubles tend to seep through, regardless of how hard I work to cover them. It's true for everyone. Yet, as a society, we immediately judge others based on how they look and our perceptions of their behaviors without knowing what is really happening. That's why I've worked at presuming positive intention, and I've found it liberating! Someone passes me on the road and cuts me off, instead of working myself into a lather, I assume they are in a hurry for a very good reason. The last time I was in a hurry and cutting people off, my mother was in the hospital. I wasn't intentionally trying to be a bad driver, but I was in a hurry for a good reason.
Although the 'golden rule' is considered trite, it still is true: treat others the way you wish to be treated. Sometimes it's hard. I'm not perfect at presuming positive intention, but I try as best as I can. I want to be treated respectfully, whether I am liked or not, therefore, I try to treat others with respect.
Judging others is wrong, but attitudes can be changed. By reciting the mantra of 'presume positive intention,' behaviors and attitudes can be changed. Taking the time to know someone can be surprising and delightful. And just like my coworker found out about me, people have varied interests; by getting to know someone, you might broaden your own horizons.
