On the one year anniversary of my mother's death

This past year has been difficult without my mom, but I owe so many people a deep gratitude for pulling me through.

My friend and colleague Beth has supported me throughout this year. In fact, she was in the room the day the call came in that my mother was in the hospital. Because of Beth, I was allowed to leave immediately to hurry to be with my mom. At one point last school year, I broke down in class, crying, and Beth was there with a hug and a shoulder for me. When I needed someone to watch my class as I pulled myself together, Beth was there. I am truly in her debt for her love, care and concern for me.

Milo and Mark, two other friend/colleagues of mine, both of whom have lost parents over the past couple of years, have been ready with hugs and ears to listen to me. They bought my family dinner, which we greatly appreciated. They have given me consideration and concern as well as support and advice. I don't know what I would have done without them.

I have other friend/colleagues who have been sweet and supportive of me. Jane, our principal's secretary is always ready with a hug; Linda who makes me laugh; Jess who lets me tease her and teases me back. Kim--always read to listen. And my principal, Jim, who offered to drive me to the hospital the day my mother died. Susan, Coleen, Laurie-who handed me a medal to keep with me, Brenda who painted me a gorgeous picture--I can't thank them enough.

Jenny, another friend/colleague whose mother passed away during the same year, has been a great resource for me. I have someone who understands how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking, and on those days when I'm less than 100%, I know Jenny will understand. To her, I say thank you as well.

My sweet son has been incredible over the past year. He's probably seen me cry more than a child should see his mother cry. He puts  his arms around me, hugs me, tells me he misses Memaw too, and I'm filled with awe and gratitude for this child. This has been a huge year for him as well, as my mother cared for him from the time he was a baby. He tells me every so often how much he misses her wonderful pancakes. I feel so blessed to have him as my son.

This year has given my father and I an opportunity to know one another, and I'm grateful for our Saturday coffees. Never having had a grandfather, I'm so happy to see the rapport between my son and my dad. This year has taught me to take advantage of the time I have with my dad. I am grateful to have this opportunity to know him better.

The person who has held me most when I cry, and that's been frequent, the person who has listened to me, supported me, taken over with the mundaneity of life when I couldn't, is my husband. As hard as this past year has been on me, he has been with me throughout everything. I can't ask for a better mate, a more supportive partner than my husband. He doesn't really understand my pain, but that hasn't stopped him from taking care of me. I love my husband, and I'm glad he's been such a rock throughout this year.

My mom gave me life, love, guidance, strength, and friendship. She cared for me and my son. She pushed me through college and championed me during graduate school. She was my sounding board when I needed it, and my movie buddy from the time I was a child. The lessons I learned from her I carry with me each day. She always wanted for me what she never had...a college education and a career. I am eternally grateful for all her sacrifices so I could have such a fabulous life, surrounded my so many people who love me.

There are times when I don't know how I'm going to move forward, but then I look at the love in my life, and I realize I must keep going. Life is precious; I know that. And so are the people who fill my life.

My dog has friends, and my son does not

Daisy the dog makes friends with other dogs within her size-range. She is currently playing with Patience, the dog from the next block who often comes to visit. Several times a month, Daisy plays with Buddy, another friend, and they wrestle for hours. She doesn't like tiny dogs, mostly because they are always aggressive toward her, and she is afraid of cats. But give her another dog close to her size and age, and Daisy is ready to play.

She is a stark contrast to my son. My son struggles to make friends, and the very few friends he has, he is pretty mean to them. We've made countless attempts to help him make friends, but to no avail. He doesn't like certain kids, but he doesn't know why. Other kids hurt his feelings, but he doesn't know what they say; mostly, it's how they look at him. He has limited confidence in himself, which we thought would be helped with karate, but unfortunately, no. The house where Patience lives has seven kids within my son's age, but he doesn't like playing with them because he can't keep them all straight. The little boy down the block who's a year younger and attends the same school as my son is also not friend-material, according to my boy.

The twins who are my son's age, in his grade, and at his school never want to play with him or associate with him. He doesn't know why. He claims no one likes him at school, but he doesn't know why he has this perception. I thought he understood that the kids at karate were his friends, but he told me he didn't like several of them. He has no idea why.

I know making friends is hard; it was especially hard for me because I had a sociable mother and brother. I tried to be like them, but I am most definitely an introvert. I had a few close friends growing up, and I was mostly okay with that. A fault I see in my son that I share is the tendency to be too hard on others and to have  unrealistic expectations of others. I was in my late 20s before I finally figured out that no one is perfect, and none of my friends will be my clones. I try to impart this information to my son, but he doesn't listen. Instead, he finds faults in others, preventing him from making friends.

He's most comfortable with girls, it seems, but he's rough with other boys. I'm not sure if he understands that he's bigger and stronger than other kids and can easily hurt them. He's also a touchy-feelie kid because we're a touchy family; we hug and kiss frequently. Other kids aren't quite comfortable with that. Girls seem to like him, and he seems to like them. Even at public parks, he's able to make friends with girls. I think one of many reasons he doesn't make friends with boys is the fact he doesn't like boy things, such as football, baseball, or other professional sports. Not all boys want to talk about karate. He's not interested in cars either. But he loves books, games, movies, and of course, karate.

So while I watch my Daisy play with her friend Patience, or Titus, or Buddy, I'd also like to watch my son play with kids. I wish I knew how to help him. And I wish he'd listen to our suggestions.