Daisy the dog makes friends with other dogs within her size-range. She is currently playing with Patience, the dog from the next block who often comes to visit. Several times a month, Daisy plays with Buddy, another friend, and they wrestle for hours. She doesn't like tiny dogs, mostly because they are always aggressive toward her, and she is afraid of cats. But give her another dog close to her size and age, and Daisy is ready to play.
She is a stark contrast to my son. My son struggles to make friends, and the very few friends he has, he is pretty mean to them. We've made countless attempts to help him make friends, but to no avail. He doesn't like certain kids, but he doesn't know why. Other kids hurt his feelings, but he doesn't know what they say; mostly, it's how they look at him. He has limited confidence in himself, which we thought would be helped with karate, but unfortunately, no. The house where Patience lives has seven kids within my son's age, but he doesn't like playing with them because he can't keep them all straight. The little boy down the block who's a year younger and attends the same school as my son is also not friend-material, according to my boy.
The twins who are my son's age, in his grade, and at his school never want to play with him or associate with him. He doesn't know why. He claims no one likes him at school, but he doesn't know why he has this perception. I thought he understood that the kids at karate were his friends, but he told me he didn't like several of them. He has no idea why.
I know making friends is hard; it was especially hard for me because I had a sociable mother and brother. I tried to be like them, but I am most definitely an introvert. I had a few close friends growing up, and I was mostly okay with that. A fault I see in my son that I share is the tendency to be too hard on others and to have unrealistic expectations of others. I was in my late 20s before I finally figured out that no one is perfect, and none of my friends will be my clones. I try to impart this information to my son, but he doesn't listen. Instead, he finds faults in others, preventing him from making friends.
He's most comfortable with girls, it seems, but he's rough with other boys. I'm not sure if he understands that he's bigger and stronger than other kids and can easily hurt them. He's also a touchy-feelie kid because we're a touchy family; we hug and kiss frequently. Other kids aren't quite comfortable with that. Girls seem to like him, and he seems to like them. Even at public parks, he's able to make friends with girls. I think one of many reasons he doesn't make friends with boys is the fact he doesn't like boy things, such as football, baseball, or other professional sports. Not all boys want to talk about karate. He's not interested in cars either. But he loves books, games, movies, and of course, karate.
So while I watch my Daisy play with her friend Patience, or Titus, or Buddy, I'd also like to watch my son play with kids. I wish I knew how to help him. And I wish he'd listen to our suggestions.
