This morning, my son informed me that he could no longer use our toothpaste because a kid on the bus told him his breath smelled bad. As a mom, my heart broke a bit more to hear that and to see my son make a decision based on another's comment.
I remember comments made to me as I was growing up: my hair and eyes were "too dark;" I was "fat and ugly;" I chewed "like a cow;" words disguised as swords eating away any self-confidence I tried to develop. I internalized these comments, not sharing them with others who might understand or who could provide comfort. Early teens are such an ugly time in most of our lives: ugly physically but also mentally. It seems like the insecurities we develop during that time shape who we become.
My son must hear disparaging remarks frequently because he makes them about himself at home. He is upset with his weight, but he makes poor choices about food and exercise. He criticizes his height, but there's nothing that can be done about it. And the worst: he talks about having no friends, but he's highly critical of each person who tries to be his friend. He seems to want the "perfect" friend, but he won't listen as I try to explain the necessity of accepting people for who they are.
It's funny though; the notion we can make rude and inappropriate comments about others with no consequences, or so we think. As Americans, we must be an unhappy group because of the ferocity we have when attacking others. What is the purpose of attacking other people for their imperfections? Why do we think we have the right to criticize others? Why do we think we have the "right" to attack others for their looks, thoughts, beliefs, and attributes?
The internet, for example, is riddled with such people. Sometimes I read the comments on an article with a sort of disgusted fascination regarding the cruelty of others. In fact, one of our family members was involved in an accident that critically injured her child, and the comments posted about her were horrific. People jumped to conclusions about her and the situation, saying vile, untrue comments. They didn't know her but they made comments, comments that are in cyberspace forever.
It seems like the playground bullies have found new avenues to make their hurtful comments: the internet. What's sad is how many bullies have bred children who do the same thing as they once did: destroy the confidence in others. As a parent, how can I help my son navigate the viciousness of others when it's all around him and in many forms? How can we as a society emphasize that vicious comments are not acceptable and won't be tolerated?
Or do we simply tolerate these comments and the people who make them?
