I just got up from a nap for a tension headache that came on like a freight train today, rendering me useless for a good portion of the afternoon. Sadly, these headaches are common because of my job as a high school teacher.
I joke that I'm swimming in a cesspool of emotion and hormones each day, but it is a true statement. While I am no longer seen as 'confidante' of the majority of my students, I'm still privvy to certain knowledge about them, which I carry home each day. It's easy for others to tell me to leave this information at school, what no one can tell me is how as I dream about them or ponder their problems. Coupled with my own problems and concerns, tension headaches are normal for 10 months out of the year.
One of my students, Bobby, has an abusive mother. While the school and law enforcement have tried to intervene and help him, he refuses to take a stand against his mother's mental and physcial abuse. One day he showed with a black eye that his brother had given him. Why? Because his mother told him if he loved her he would defend her against his brother. So he fought his brother and ended up with a black eye. The psychological damage this woman has inflicted on him has warped him, and Bobby is a lost young man who will, most likely, continue this abusive cycle.
Another student, Frank, just found out his mother has been diagnosed with cancer for a second time. His dad is busy trying to work enough hours to pay the bills. Frank's helping out at home so his mother can get well. He looks like hell but is trying to persevere. Another young man, Connor, has a mentally ill mother who has abandoned the family and a father who is an alcoholic. Connor is providing care for his younger siblings while trying to keep up with his schoolwork and playing his favorite sport.
One of my students recently had a baby and is currently busy planning her wedding to the baby's father. While she seems to be on track to graduate from high school, I cannot imagine the life she will lead with no further education. Another of my students, Shelly, has a mother who is so overprotective, she is smothering her daughter. Her daughter cannot hold a job, drive a car, or go out with her friends. Because of this isolation, Shelly's frustration with this situation leaks out as she cannot cope well with any type of adversity. One of my most fragile students, Becca, lost her father to suicide, and her family is struggling to cope with his death as well as financially. She sees little worth in herself right now, and I worry about her.
One of my students was involved in an accident that wasn't his fault. He hit a girl who jumped out of a car. He's a mess. His friends are struggling too. I have kids who are sick, who have lost parents, and who have been bullied. They can barely cope some days. And they all come home with me, haunting my sleep, stressing me out.
Education critics are quick to point out the flaws in teachers, teacher preparation, and in schools, but they forget about the kids. Not every kid comes from a nuclear family. Not every kid has two parents supporting her or cheering him on. There is some sort of belief that if teachers were better and stringently held accountable for student success, education would be better in the US. They seem to forget that we have our students for a brief moment in time. Their parents have them the rest of the time, and many of their parents can't parent at all.
I teach in a middle class high school in a nice neighborhood. What lies below the surface, though, is much darker than most know. Students go hungry or are homeless. Parents abuse them mentally. Parents die; we had a rash of parent deaths last year alone. Drugs are abundant, and some use drugs or drink alcohol to excess with their parents. Promiscuity is considered normal and acceptable. I wish the 'great minds' who want to reform education would spend a year learning what teachers really do. Our jobs aren't simply about teaching curriculum or teaching to a test. Our jobs include caring and nurturing children, many who are damaged by the very people who created them. I know teachers who pool resources to provide clothing, toiletries and school supplies to their students who don't have those items. Sadly, those who vehemently criticize education know little about what we really do, day in, day out.
Many of the young people who pass through the halls of my high school are hurting, emotionally and physically. Their coping skills are routinely tested, if they have them. It's no wonder so many teachers have to take anti-depressants or have addictions themselves. No one clearly explained to me when I was in college that I would often be more of a social worker than a teacher.
And how do I cope? I am an emotional eater, and ice cream is my preferred treatment.
