An administrator yelled at me today. I found it incredibly offensive to be treated by a child and in such a fashion. And while I'm still not over that degradation, I've been thinking about what precipitated that reaction.
Over the past couple of years, I've had a tendency to speak my mind at school frequently. I'm tired of allowing administrators and parents to walk over me. I'm marking 20 years in teaching this year, and I'm truly tired of the bureaucracy of education. Administrators who don't do their jobs competently; teachers who cannot adhere to simple rules or treat their colleagues respectfully. Parents who think the best way to handle a problem with a teacher is to yell at said teacher. I've had it. So yes, I speak my mind when I think I need to do so.
What I'm saying is, I'm not completely innocent when it came to the administrator's frustration today. But I also realized our administrator was speaking from her own frustrations with our faculty. I can feel her pain; I feel that as a professional I have responsibilities to uphold, and it bothers me when those with whom I work don't feel the same way. I cannot imagine how difficult an administrator's job must be, especially working with teachers, students, and parents. In fact, I cannot fathom why people go into administration as a career path.
I also think our administrators have decided on a policy, which they know is wrong, but they feel duty bound to uphold it. The anger directed at me today probably doesn't have to do entirely with me. Our administrators have been underfire from our faculty for a number of years for their inconsistencies, offenses, and incompetencies. Most of them do work hard; all of them have to cover for the one administrator who is completely incompetent. I made comments today from my perspective, and I see how an administrator, already dealing with a case of insecurity, would react vehemently to me.
However, just as an administrator is entitled to his or her opinion about me, other faculty members, or different policies, I am entitled to mine. I'm always astounded at how insecure teachers are, and our insecurities drive wedges in between us rather than bond us to one another. We have a number of young teachers in our building who often come across as selfishly thinking about themselves and their classes. This drives a wedge between many of us because we veteran teachers have different viewpoints. It's hard to completely explain the dynamics of my school, but needless to say, we are a group of stressed out, insecure people.
I am a squeaky wheel. I learned today that I need to stop squeaking, go to my room, and shut the door. I need to focus on what's important: my students. I still don't appreciate the yelling I had today; but it has taught me that I don't have the leadership skills required to do more than teach my content. I once thought I had a great deal of leadership potential, but I think it's safe to say that I don't. And I need to be okay with that. I need to recognize and acknowledge my weaknesses as well as my strengths, and then I need to spend time honing my strengths.
Will I ever make a difference to my school? Probably not. I will, however, make a difference to my students, my reason for returning each day.
In retrospect, I think it was good to be yelled at. Our administrator's response to me has allowed me to reflect upon my role within my school, my strengths and weaknesses, and to help me come to terms with my educational path.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Money Woes and Furnaces
Our house was built in 1968, and our furnace is 43 years old. Currently, it costs us about 220.00 a month to heat our house because the furnace is such a beast. We financed new windows last year, which has been fabulous, but they haven't helped our heating bills like we'd hoped. It doesn't help that the public's nemesis, the energy company, continues to raise their prices each quarter.
So we found a new furnace, and it will be far more energy efficient, costing us less in gas in the long run. Of course, it's 6200.00, including the whole house humidifier we want. But that's parts, labor, permit, inspection, everything. It's a good price, considering. Sadly, we don't have 6200.00 laying around. I wish we did. So we're going to have to finance this as well. We've been paying on our windows for nearly a year and have hardly made a dent in what we owe.
It's discouraging, to say the least. We are in better shape than many, I know, but when we really need something, like a new furnace, it isn't because we're being frivolous. We need to replace our beast before it conks out on us. We need heat. My husband's allergiess and my dry skin need the humidifier. Sometimes I wish I made more or that my husband made more. Not that we'd be happier, and we'd probably be in the same boat financially. It would just be nice to say, "Oh yeah, we've got 6200.00 to spend on a furnace. No problem." Or be able to pay off our windows before I turn 50.
I could use 10,000.00 right now. Maybe I should set up a fundraiser.
So we found a new furnace, and it will be far more energy efficient, costing us less in gas in the long run. Of course, it's 6200.00, including the whole house humidifier we want. But that's parts, labor, permit, inspection, everything. It's a good price, considering. Sadly, we don't have 6200.00 laying around. I wish we did. So we're going to have to finance this as well. We've been paying on our windows for nearly a year and have hardly made a dent in what we owe.
It's discouraging, to say the least. We are in better shape than many, I know, but when we really need something, like a new furnace, it isn't because we're being frivolous. We need to replace our beast before it conks out on us. We need heat. My husband's allergiess and my dry skin need the humidifier. Sometimes I wish I made more or that my husband made more. Not that we'd be happier, and we'd probably be in the same boat financially. It would just be nice to say, "Oh yeah, we've got 6200.00 to spend on a furnace. No problem." Or be able to pay off our windows before I turn 50.
I could use 10,000.00 right now. Maybe I should set up a fundraiser.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Teaching headaches and ice cream
I just got up from a nap for a tension headache that came on like a freight train today, rendering me useless for a good portion of the afternoon. Sadly, these headaches are common because of my job as a high school teacher.
I joke that I'm swimming in a cesspool of emotion and hormones each day, but it is a true statement. While I am no longer seen as 'confidante' of the majority of my students, I'm still privvy to certain knowledge about them, which I carry home each day. It's easy for others to tell me to leave this information at school, what no one can tell me is how as I dream about them or ponder their problems. Coupled with my own problems and concerns, tension headaches are normal for 10 months out of the year.
One of my students, Bobby, has an abusive mother. While the school and law enforcement have tried to intervene and help him, he refuses to take a stand against his mother's mental and physcial abuse. One day he showed with a black eye that his brother had given him. Why? Because his mother told him if he loved her he would defend her against his brother. So he fought his brother and ended up with a black eye. The psychological damage this woman has inflicted on him has warped him, and Bobby is a lost young man who will, most likely, continue this abusive cycle.
Another student, Frank, just found out his mother has been diagnosed with cancer for a second time. His dad is busy trying to work enough hours to pay the bills. Frank's helping out at home so his mother can get well. He looks like hell but is trying to persevere. Another young man, Connor, has a mentally ill mother who has abandoned the family and a father who is an alcoholic. Connor is providing care for his younger siblings while trying to keep up with his schoolwork and playing his favorite sport.
One of my students recently had a baby and is currently busy planning her wedding to the baby's father. While she seems to be on track to graduate from high school, I cannot imagine the life she will lead with no further education. Another of my students, Shelly, has a mother who is so overprotective, she is smothering her daughter. Her daughter cannot hold a job, drive a car, or go out with her friends. Because of this isolation, Shelly's frustration with this situation leaks out as she cannot cope well with any type of adversity. One of my most fragile students, Becca, lost her father to suicide, and her family is struggling to cope with his death as well as financially. She sees little worth in herself right now, and I worry about her.
One of my students was involved in an accident that wasn't his fault. He hit a girl who jumped out of a car. He's a mess. His friends are struggling too. I have kids who are sick, who have lost parents, and who have been bullied. They can barely cope some days. And they all come home with me, haunting my sleep, stressing me out.
Education critics are quick to point out the flaws in teachers, teacher preparation, and in schools, but they forget about the kids. Not every kid comes from a nuclear family. Not every kid has two parents supporting her or cheering him on. There is some sort of belief that if teachers were better and stringently held accountable for student success, education would be better in the US. They seem to forget that we have our students for a brief moment in time. Their parents have them the rest of the time, and many of their parents can't parent at all.
I teach in a middle class high school in a nice neighborhood. What lies below the surface, though, is much darker than most know. Students go hungry or are homeless. Parents abuse them mentally. Parents die; we had a rash of parent deaths last year alone. Drugs are abundant, and some use drugs or drink alcohol to excess with their parents. Promiscuity is considered normal and acceptable. I wish the 'great minds' who want to reform education would spend a year learning what teachers really do. Our jobs aren't simply about teaching curriculum or teaching to a test. Our jobs include caring and nurturing children, many who are damaged by the very people who created them. I know teachers who pool resources to provide clothing, toiletries and school supplies to their students who don't have those items. Sadly, those who vehemently criticize education know little about what we really do, day in, day out.
Many of the young people who pass through the halls of my high school are hurting, emotionally and physically. Their coping skills are routinely tested, if they have them. It's no wonder so many teachers have to take anti-depressants or have addictions themselves. No one clearly explained to me when I was in college that I would often be more of a social worker than a teacher.
And how do I cope? I am an emotional eater, and ice cream is my preferred treatment.
I joke that I'm swimming in a cesspool of emotion and hormones each day, but it is a true statement. While I am no longer seen as 'confidante' of the majority of my students, I'm still privvy to certain knowledge about them, which I carry home each day. It's easy for others to tell me to leave this information at school, what no one can tell me is how as I dream about them or ponder their problems. Coupled with my own problems and concerns, tension headaches are normal for 10 months out of the year.
One of my students, Bobby, has an abusive mother. While the school and law enforcement have tried to intervene and help him, he refuses to take a stand against his mother's mental and physcial abuse. One day he showed with a black eye that his brother had given him. Why? Because his mother told him if he loved her he would defend her against his brother. So he fought his brother and ended up with a black eye. The psychological damage this woman has inflicted on him has warped him, and Bobby is a lost young man who will, most likely, continue this abusive cycle.
Another student, Frank, just found out his mother has been diagnosed with cancer for a second time. His dad is busy trying to work enough hours to pay the bills. Frank's helping out at home so his mother can get well. He looks like hell but is trying to persevere. Another young man, Connor, has a mentally ill mother who has abandoned the family and a father who is an alcoholic. Connor is providing care for his younger siblings while trying to keep up with his schoolwork and playing his favorite sport.
One of my students recently had a baby and is currently busy planning her wedding to the baby's father. While she seems to be on track to graduate from high school, I cannot imagine the life she will lead with no further education. Another of my students, Shelly, has a mother who is so overprotective, she is smothering her daughter. Her daughter cannot hold a job, drive a car, or go out with her friends. Because of this isolation, Shelly's frustration with this situation leaks out as she cannot cope well with any type of adversity. One of my most fragile students, Becca, lost her father to suicide, and her family is struggling to cope with his death as well as financially. She sees little worth in herself right now, and I worry about her.
One of my students was involved in an accident that wasn't his fault. He hit a girl who jumped out of a car. He's a mess. His friends are struggling too. I have kids who are sick, who have lost parents, and who have been bullied. They can barely cope some days. And they all come home with me, haunting my sleep, stressing me out.
Education critics are quick to point out the flaws in teachers, teacher preparation, and in schools, but they forget about the kids. Not every kid comes from a nuclear family. Not every kid has two parents supporting her or cheering him on. There is some sort of belief that if teachers were better and stringently held accountable for student success, education would be better in the US. They seem to forget that we have our students for a brief moment in time. Their parents have them the rest of the time, and many of their parents can't parent at all.
I teach in a middle class high school in a nice neighborhood. What lies below the surface, though, is much darker than most know. Students go hungry or are homeless. Parents abuse them mentally. Parents die; we had a rash of parent deaths last year alone. Drugs are abundant, and some use drugs or drink alcohol to excess with their parents. Promiscuity is considered normal and acceptable. I wish the 'great minds' who want to reform education would spend a year learning what teachers really do. Our jobs aren't simply about teaching curriculum or teaching to a test. Our jobs include caring and nurturing children, many who are damaged by the very people who created them. I know teachers who pool resources to provide clothing, toiletries and school supplies to their students who don't have those items. Sadly, those who vehemently criticize education know little about what we really do, day in, day out.
Many of the young people who pass through the halls of my high school are hurting, emotionally and physically. Their coping skills are routinely tested, if they have them. It's no wonder so many teachers have to take anti-depressants or have addictions themselves. No one clearly explained to me when I was in college that I would often be more of a social worker than a teacher.
And how do I cope? I am an emotional eater, and ice cream is my preferred treatment.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Anonymous internet postings
Integrity: an adherence to a code of values. Libel: to injure a person’s reputation, especially by something written. Fallacy: a deceptive, misleading, or false notion, belief, etc. The internet is riddled with libelous and fallacious comments left by those who seem to want to destroy the integrity of others, and there seems to be little anyone can do about this.
“Ms B**** is one of he worst teachers my child has had. She teaches by intimidation and consistently degrades students. She often refers to female students as trollops or other inappropriate names. She talks about "power" on a daily basis and tells students she has complete power over them and their grades. Ms B***** does not enter grades into the parent portal in a timely manner and refuses to do so when students ask. Also beware if you or your child is a student athlete.”
Imagine finding this comment posted about yourself on the internet. This is a libelous statement; statements like this can be found on the website, Rate My Teacher.com, and sadly, they are perfectly legal, therefore teachers and professors have no legal recourse. While there is truth in this parent’s statement, the entire statement is libelous and based on perception and fallacy.
To wit: I do speak of power on a daily basis because it is the common theme I am using this year. I challenge my students to think of all the power sources in their lives so they can better connect with the literature we read. When students see purpose on their reading, they are more likely to complete assignments. Only students have power over their grades by the choices they make; I do not. I only can assign what a student has earned. Furthermore, I have spoken to young women for years about dressing in ways that respect them and empower them rather than sexualize them. And lastly, beware if a child is a student athlete? All my students are held to the same expectations in my class.
What bothers me most about Rate My Teacher and the ability to leave anonymous comments is the lack of integrity and courage commentators display with their attacks on a teacher’s integrity and credibility. Sites like Rate My Teacher allow disgruntled students and parents to handle their anger and/or frustration in a way that can ruin reputations. They seem unconcerned that they ruin a teacher’s reputation over a situation that will soon pass, and their comments will forever exist in cyberspace. High school is truly a brief moment in a student’s life; what gives them—and their parents—the prerogative to post derogatory, fallacious, and libelous comments about teachers, comments that will continue to follow those teachers long after the student has graduated.
While I have no legal right to force Rate My Teacher to remove libelous comments about me, I will make this request: teachers (and ultimately future bosses) are human; we make mistakes, but we do the best we can. Keep this in mind and really think before posting hurtful, potentially damaging comments on the internet. How truly beneficial is it to post negative comments?
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