As this is the first summer vacation my son and I will have without my mom, we are struggling to define what this time looks like. In years past, I could ask my mom to watch him while I went to appointments, but I can't do that now. My mom would call and ask if my son could come over, giving me some much needed personal time.
But now we're together, 24/7, and it's quite different. My son is at the age where he wants to be completely independent and completely dependent simultaneously. He wants to have an allowance, for example, but he doesn't want to do the work for it. To mitigate this problem, together we created an allowance chart, which gives him different jobs he can do with a monetary value-one he suggested-placed on them. Needless to say, he's not earning much money. Each day we battle over what he needs to do, and while I know I should stop paying him, especially after nagging him to do the chores, he does do them halfheartedly.
Today was one of those days. He was supposed to pull weeds; we have enough of them! I told him to fill a five gallon bucket, and I would pay him for each filled bucket. After watching him sit and play in the dirt for a couple of hours, virtually pulling no weeds, I had had it. Ordinarily, I would have called my mom to take over for a bit, but instead I had to figure out something else.
I made him clean his room. Cleaning his room gave me something I needed...alone time and work time, and it gave him something he needed too...a clean room. I want my son to learn the value of work, which is why I agreed to an allowance. I remember feeling a sense of accomplishment after a week of chores as my mom handed me my allowance and thanked me for what I had done. On the other hand, my son expects to be handed money because he's cute and because he asks for it. I want him to learn the value of applying himself to a task and feeling a sense of accomplishment when it's finished.
Mowing the lawn, doing the dishes, or washing his clothes will make him a better person ultimately. He will have skills that can help him find jobs, or even simply survive on his own. More importantly, he will learn the value of applying himself, of completing a job to the best of his ability, and of earning compensation for the work he does. If my job as a parent is to raise a healthy, independent, hardworking, responsible person I do him no favors by handing him money.
And while we still battle over chores, my ultimate goal is the same as my mom's was for me: to raise the best person I can raise. I might need some valium to do it! ;)
