When I was pregnant, I remember different conversations with other expectant moms about whether I would work outside my home after my child came. If I answered affirmatively I was treated to lectures about this decision. It's been ten years since my pregnancy, and I'm still not immune to the stereotypes and perceptions of working mothers.
The first stereotype of working moms is that we aren't thinking of our children, we are only thinking of ourselves. Stay at home moms will tell me how 'blessed' they are because they can stay home with their children. While I agree to a certain extent...they are blessed to be able to make that decision...I am also blessed. I have a good job that affords me time with my son. My employment allows me to pay the mortgage on our house as well as most of the bills. My employment has come in handy when my husband lost his job, or when my husband goes a week or two without a paycheck. Each day as I drive to work, I'm thinking about my son, hoping he has a good day, worrying about his tests or the playground bullies. As I hurry to pick him up in the afternoons, I can't wait to hear about his day.
Another stereotype that I hear is that women work to afford fancy homes, clothes, cars, or vacations. Not true in my case. My last exotic vacation was my honeymoon to Victoria, BC. I haven't been to Mexico or the Caribbean, I have a regular home in a regular neighborhood, and I most definitely do not have fancy cars. In fact, I celebrated the fact that I recently paid off my car. I work to afford my home, the clothes my son constantly seems to need, and to pay our bills. When we do take time as a family, we go to places that are nearby, where we can bring our camper (also almost paid off!), and where we can do fun, outdoor activities. Once a year, I buy a new and expensive bra, and all my clothes come from Target or Kohls.
Another misperception of working moms is that we don't work as hard as stay at home moms. Excuse me? I work 8-10 hours a day at a job, and then I come home to laundry, cooking, cleaning, homework, and yard work. On Saturdays I run errands and grocery shop. When I can grab a free moment, I like to relax, just like all moms. However, while I do agree that stay at home moms work hard, I don't see how we can say they work harder than moms who work outside the home. Our work is both similar and different. Both groups cook, clean, do laundry, shop, but one group has a second full time job on top of their first full time job.
I've been told by stay at home moms that they want to be the ones who raise their children and who don't want strangers witnessing milestones. Seriously? My son has a sense of independence, which served him well this past year when he switched schools. I and his father have raised our son, not strangers. We are with him when he's sick, we go to all doctors appointments; I have held him when he has his shots. He crawled and walked for us; we worked to potty train him. I don't feel like I've missed out on quality time with my son because I have a job. Am I healthier mentally because I work? I am. My son is too because he is used to me not always being there to pick him up. He has learned to stand on his own feet. Ultimately, that's what I want for my son...to be an independent and functioning adult.
There are plenty other perceptions and stereotypes of working moms, but these are a few that I hear regularly. I don't know why stay at home moms have to criticize those of us who work, but I wish they'd stop. I respect women (and men) who make the choice to stay home with their children. It's difficult to be a full time caretaker to children, spouses, and sometimes, aging parents. But instead of knocking our 'sisters' down if they work outside of the home--and vice versa--again, shouldn't we support them? They are doing what they think is best for their children and themselves.
