Today was an embarrassing and frustrating parenting day. It didn't begin that way, but it changed quickly when some friends came over to go on a bike ride.
We love riding our bikes, and our favorite ride takes us into a local golf course. We do that ride frequently because the highlight is coming down several hills as fast as is safe. For our ride today, we took our friends, who are new to our state, on our favorite ride. All went well during the first part of it. And then we began our ride home. My son took off, and I couldn't find him. He left his new friends in the dust, he left me in the dust. I was furious! And I know this sounds paranoid, but many years ago, a child was murdered in the park where we ride and the murderer was never caught. I never let my son out of my sight in that area. Until today.
As I came across the bridge, and my son was at our favorite rest stop, I wanted to hug him and scream at him at the same time. I did neither. I quietly scolded him in a manner that didn't necessarily embarrass him in front of his friend. I remember my mom embarrassing me in front of my friends, and I don't want to do that to my child. However, he was told there would be consequences when his friends went home. He was pouty and sulky the rest of the afternoon. Moreover, he was rude and obnoxious to our guests.
What bothers me about his behavior, among many issues I have with his behavior today, is his unrealistic ideas about friendship. He seems to have no idea what makes a good friend, and he doesn't grasp that he has to be kind as well. I know friendships are hard for kids, and they are learning how to function within the boundaries of friendships, but he seems to have no clue.
I lost my temper with him regarding his idea of friendship and with his snotty behavior. He's grounded for leaving us. But I just don't know how to impress upon him the need to treat others with respect. The kids he played with today are nice kids if he'd only give them a chance.
But, in some ways, he reminds me of myself in terms of friendships. For years, I was demanding, juvenile, unforgiving, and simply a bad friend. I don't know why people stayed friends with me. Now I see this ugly trait, this expectation that a friend should be a certain way, in my son. This gives me pause. How do I help him learn to be a good friend?
I love my son, and I was disappointed in his behavior. But even more, I am disappointed in myself for somehow teaching my son to have unrealistic expectations in his relationships with others. Not only was it a bad parenting day because my son embarrassed me in front of our new friends, but he held a mirror up and I saw myself in it.
