I had an horrific nightmare last night. One so bad, it woke me up and stayed with me all day.
I dreamt of a woman with two faces. The forward face was Evil Incarnate; gaping mouth, bright eyes, red face; it snarled and hissed. The backward face was peaceful and loving, wearing a white wimple and a black veil, like a nun. I wanted only to deal with the nun face, not the evil one, but I could only catch flashes of the nun-face.
We-me and the two-faced woman-were at my school. It was a dark and snowy day, and I didn't have adequate shoes. I kept slipping in the slush, nearly falling. The evil face laughed and mocked me while the peaceful face smiled beatifically and encouraged me. Others were around, trying to get into the school, but only I seemed to see the two-faced woman.
This has plagued me all day. Am I the two-faced woman? In some ways, yes. There are so many politics raging right nowin my building, and I find myself too close to the middle of them. I don't know who to trust or what to say, so I keep pushing myself farther into this mess. I have taken a dislike to a teacher, even though I don't know her well, because I think she's a bit of trouble.
So is she the two-faced woman? She's quickly ingratiated herself within our staff, and yet I don't know her well enough to trust her. It takes awhile before I let my guard down, and with her, I don't think it's possible. She's nice enough to my face, and I to hers, but I simply wonder.
Of course, I spent nearly an hour after school yesterday talking with a colleague. Is she the two-faced woman? I've known her awhile, and although our friendship has drifted, uncared for and unattended, we still exchange pleasantries when we see one another. I've considered all day that she could be two-faced, but I don't think it's in her.
I woke with a tremendous guilt over me, which has really made me think it's me. I have a tendency to talk out of both sides of my mouth, a terrible fault I've tried to rectify over the years. I'm also tired and disillusioned, which seems to make my verbal diarrhea worse. I wish I knew who the two-faced woman was, but I have reflected on this: either way, I need to shut my mouth and do what I'm paid to do: teach.
