Christmas is about memories, forgiveness, love, family, and yet, it is also a time of waste. .
As I sit and look at our lovingly decorated, memory-filled tree, I focus on the angel my mother gave me nearly 20 years ago, the angel that has topped every tree I've ever had, and I think about the Christmases she wasted over the years. There were all those Christmases without my grandmother who still lived in California. My mom would be sad, and the holidays would be miserable. After my grandmother moved here, holidays improved until dementia robbed us again of my grandmother mentally, and death eventually robbed us of her physically. My mother was sad again, and holidays were difficult. I was robbed of the past two Christmas Eves with my parents as my mother refused to be here with my in-laws. Time wasted, opportunities I will never have again.
We waste time and energy on what we think is important, but are we fooling ourselves? Is Christmas about gifts or is it about love? Gifts don't always equal love; they can symbolize it, but they can't take the place of love. Traditions exist as ways to spend time with our loved ones. One tradition I will have to create for myself is baking Italian cookies. I remember my mother and grandmother spending what seemed like hours in the kitchen baking different kinds of cookies, talking, laughing, smoking, and drinking coffee while doing so. I remember the house infused with the smells of cookies baking, baked bread, and the heat from the oven in Southern California.
This first Christmas without my mother, I'm trying to remember the good Christmases and the fun traditions we had while focusing on what is important to my family. We've watched some of our favorite Christmas movies, listened to some of our favorite Christmas songs. We've made our fudge and plan a few more cookies and other delights. I'm planning our Christmas Eve feast of lasagna, gnocchi, antipasto and chocolate. We have some lights displays we want to see. I'm doing my best to try to value the time I have with those I love rather than waste it. We visited the Christkindl market for the first time.
My family is precious as is my time. During this season of excess and waste, I want to focus on what is immediate and valuable, creating new traditions, reveling in current traditions, and using my time wisely.
