At the beginning of this year, my mom died suddenly. Then, at the school where I teach, several more teachers' parents died...some were expected, some were not. And then there is the recent death of my student.
All of this adds up to a different meaning for Memorial Day, at least for me. I remember Memorial Days from my childhood, spent in Trinidad, CO, for example, visiting the Catholic cemetary there and going to my aunt and uncle's to eat. I remember other Memorial Days, having cookouts at my grandparents' house. There were those Memorial Days spent at the Bolder Boulder, napping, hanging out with friends, planting flowers. But this Memorial Day is different as my mom is on my mind.
I can still hear the sound of her voice, and I sometimes see older women who look like her--at first glance. I see her bright smile, the smile that lit up her eyes. For years, she walked with purpose in her step, always in a hurry to get to the next place or chore. Toward the end, her walk had slowed, but her smile was still there, still lighting up her face.
My mom was a terrible driver, but as a child, I never knew that. I knew that our VW squareback would go up on two wheels when she rounded certain corners, mostly because she was driving too fast. I remember when I learned to drive, she'd tell me, "The sign says stop, not park" if I sat there too long for her. In later years, she'd pump the brake and the gas, sending my head banging into the back of the seat or causing the seatbelt to catch. Sometimes she'd stop paying attention and drift off the road. We'd always laugh about that. Last fall, she had to come pick me up from school after I'd had foot surgery and couldn't drive. Because she didn't like highways, we'd take side streets to get to my child's school as we had to pick him up too. It was a nice time, just the two of us chatting about our days while I secretly prayed my mom wouldn't have an accident.
Not a day goes by where I don't want to call her to tell her something...about my day, about my child, or to ask her a question. So this Memorial Day, unlike all the previous ones, is different, sadder, and quieter. And while I realize the initial reason for Memorial Day is our fallen soldiers, it is also a day to remember those whom we've lost, those whom we love, to revel in the memories, and to thank those we've lost for being part of our lives.
