I was on a hike the other day with a friend, a retired teacher, who asked me if my nightmares had begun yet. See, I have nightmares several nights a week before school starts again.
They're often typical control-issue nightmares, like I can't manage my class. No matter what I do, student behavior is out of control. This is unlikely to happen in real life, but I have experienced some rough groups of kids, and the thought of not being able to control a class worries me.
Other nightmares involve me being at my school but it's not my school--but it is. I can't find my classroom. Seeing as how I've been in the same classroom for 13 years, it's a silly nightmare. However, the stress I feel while dreaming it is real.
The worst nightmares involve school shootings. While I can't speak for my colleagues, I can unequivocally state that the numerous school shootings we've had in this country has profoundly affected me. When I was 13, my friend was shot and killed on our junior high's campus. I was there. I still feel anxious when Flight for Life flies over. Then there was the Jonesboro, AR shooting, where those boys pulled the fire alarm and executed students and a teacher as they left the building. Next was Columbine. I'm a Columbine graduate and I work about 4.5 miles from there; I still get panic attacks when the shooting comes up. I can't even walk in the building; I cry and panic. Then there was Bailey, a few miles away from my school. And then there was another shooting at my junior high just a few years ago. And I'll never forget the Arapahoe HS shooting where the young man was headed into the building to kill his debate teacher; instead, he killed an innocent young woman and himself.
Needless to say, I worry about angering a student to the point where he wants to kill me. Therefore, I dream about being hunted through the school halls. I dream about school shootings. I worry this will be the year someone will shoot up our school.
I'm not sure how to work with my mind to alleviate this stress. But I do know that I will have nightmares from now until school begins.
